The Hunting For MoMo
by Nyla Udahara
Summary: -Cowritten with Hari-hime- Two lunatics try to find their friend who has lead them through strange foes. People get beat with baseball bats, and Yaoi. FunFiction.
1. Supplies for a Killing Spree

Kris was sitting on her porch drinking some nice sake when Jen poofed out of nowhere.

"Mom, MoMo is missing!!" she cried.

Kris shook her head and just chugged another drink. "Are you sure she's not out with Shino or something, she did say-"

"_No_, her house is empty and everything!"

Kris sighed, sounded like work. Gazing out into the forest that was threatening to over run her house, she smiled as an idea hit her, or maybe that was just the alcohol getting to her head. "Jen, we're going on an adventure!!!"

"Kris! We have to find little brother first!"

"Eh...that's what the adventure is silly!"

Rushing inside Kris grabbed a satchel and started grabbing everything they would need. Stopping in the kitchen, she turned and noticed Jen wasn't behind her, she was in the living room watching yaoi.

"Hey Jen!" she yelled.

"What, I'm busy!"

"Oreos or M&Ms?" she called reaching into the cabinet.

"Just bring both, you know you'll eat all the Oreos anyways!"

Shrugging in agreement she stuffed her already full bag with cookies. After turning off the TV and bribing Jen with a year's subscription to Yaoi TV, they were out the door, walking on the dirt path, heading for Konoha to pick up some more supplies and ask for a few favors.

***

"_Kaa-san_ can we stop in that store?" Jen asked tugging on Kris's sleeve and pointing at a little shop to the left of them.

"Well…" Kris said uncertainly while eyeing the shop. It didn't seem like the kind of place you could get the supplies they needed. Kris made the mistake of looking at Jen. Those had to be the biggest puppy dog eyes she'd ever seen. "Fine, but only for a second..." She sighed.

"Yay! You rock mom! Let's hurry!" Jen joyfully shouted as she dragged Kris with her into the store. Kris soon regretted going in. The shop wasn't filled with clothes like Kris thought it would be. It didn't even have food, weapons, or camping gear. Lining the walls, covering the furniture, and even parts of the floor were yaoi books. On the big screen TVs was more yaoi. Jen ran up to a counter, got some stuff and then walked over to a booth that was overflowing with great literature. Kris stiffly walked up to her.

"Jen, what are you doing?" she asked barley keeping her cool. Jen looked over the cover of a book, called _Icha Icha Snow Bunnies Yaoi Edition_, with an annoyed face.

"What I do before every mission, _duh_. You're always to busy to come with Sasu-chan and me though. Don't worry we understand. Sit down, have a look. You might find something you like." Jen said with a smile before going back to her book. A drop of sweat dripped down Kris's face.

'_Just how the hell did I not know about this place? Well, now I know where they go when we're supposed to be training._' Kris thought with a sigh at all the wasted time and a promise to come back here. "We have to go get supplies Jen. What about our adventure? _What about MoMo?"_ Kris asked using all her willpower to not copy her yaoi obsessed friend.

"Kaa-san what do you think we're doing?" Jen asked with a laugh and an eye roll. A vein in Kris's forehead started to throb. "Careful mum or you'll start looking like that pink eyesore Haruno." The vein stopped as soon as the words left Jen's mouth.

"How exactly does this help with anything?" Kris deadpanned glaring at the book blocking Jen from view.

"Well for one thing it helps me find my center, and for two well...you'll just have to follow me." Jen said as she stood up and started to walk towards a door. Kris quickly scampered after her. The door let them into a small dark room that had nothing in it except for another door. Kris walked up to it and in an attempt to get through it, shocked her.

"Ow! What the hell!?!" Kris yelped as she sent the door a glare that could rival the resident Uchiha's. Jen shot her an apologetic, if not somewhat smug, look.

"Whoops, "forgot" to warn you about the security system. Only I can open it you baka." Jen said happily as she skipped up to the door. She pulled out a kunai and twirled it between her fingers before slicing her thumb open. Then without missing a beat she drew some symbols on the door with her blood. The door glowed yellow for a second, lighting up the whole room, before everything suddenly went dark again. Kris blinked rapidly and tried to find Jen in the dark. Then she felt arms wrap around her and a voice purred into her ear.

"Surprise mummy dearest." Kris jumped out of the hold and across the room.

"RAPE! RAPE!" Kris started screaming then stopped when she heard Jen laughing.

"That was just too great! You should've seen your face! You shouldn't have yelled rape though. No one ever comes to that, well not anyone good anyway. Always yell fire! It could very well save your life one day. Now come on the doors unlocked." Jen said in a cheery voice as she opened the door to another dark room and they stepped inside.

"Stupid bastard child." Kris whispered darkly at Jen's back.

"Sure you wanna say that to this kid mom?" Jen asked and you could hear the smirk in her voice. Before Kris could answer Jen flipped the light switch and Kris saw a room filled with more things that can kill a guy then she'd ever seen in her life. "Welcome to my smallest weapon storage unit mummsie." Jen said with a grin as she twirled a katana in one hand and a kunai in the other.

"_Where the hell_ did you get all this from?" Kris asked in awe as she ran her fingers lightly over a spear. Jen gave a casual shrug as she pulled out the same book from before and stuck her nose in it.

"Like I remember. I'll tell you one thing though even in this little room I still got more shit then even Ten-chan." Jen said smugly as she flipped the page of the book. "I say we get what we need from here then since we don't have Sasu-chan to open the door to the fridge you'll have to go shopping for some things. When your done come get me and we'll-." Jen started but was _**rudely**_ cut off.

"Wait! Where will you be while I'm grocery shopping?" Kris asked confused.

"Well I'll be out front in the shop of course. I took care of my part already. After you pick me up we'll head over to baa-chan's office and either ask for a mission or a vacation. Depending on how the counsel is feeling. They've been bitchy lately. Especially that ass Danzou. Man would I like to just grrr! But yeah we'll be able to tell the counsel's mood by baa-chan's desk's condition, and how drunk, and angry she is. So let's go find some fun pointy shinnies!" Jen shouted as she ran off into the room beyond Kris's sight. With a sigh of defeat and a shrug Kris decided to explore to, and took off like in a kid in a candy shop.

Amazed by her friends stash in not only local, but foreign weaponry, Kris walked up and down choosing only weapons that she was most skilled with, every now and again glancing at Jen who was in fact still reading her yaoi book. Kris just smiled; she always loved that about her friend, always so care-free and accepting of most things...well everything shiny or having to do with men...together.

After having taken what she wanted, Kris set the weapons down by the door. "Jen, I'm going to go pick up some food and camping supplies, meet me out front in about half an hour m'kay?"

Jen just waved her hand muttering something about it being "the good scene".


	2. Counseled Intruption

Making her way to the nearest shop Kris couldn't help but double check everything, something she rarely did, that's why she had Jen. 'Now, we'll need supplies, and we'll need to talk to the Hokage about leaving, we don't want a repeat of last time.' She groaned and the thought. Last time they took a "vacation", Jen had forgotten to send the letter telling the Hokage of where they were, that resulted in them being accused of abandoning their home and selling secrets- BAM!!!

Kris shook her head and found she had just walked straight into someone's back. The person turned and was none other than Shino himself.

"Eh…hey Shino, sorry about that, guess I wasn't paying attention." Kris tried to explain waving her hands in front of her, afraid she had insulted him.

Smirking Shino replied, "It's quite alright Kristina, it wasn't intentional."

Giving Shino a brief smile she moved on forward making it a couple yards into the somewhat crowded street before turning back around and attempting to catch up with Shino.

"Shino, wait!" she called running up next to him. When Kris caught up to Shino who had stopped and waited she asked, "Eh…Shino, can I ask you something?"

"What is it?"

"My friend MoMo said she was going to be hanging out with you today…did she ever meet up with you?" she asked hopefully.

"We had planned to meet up with Hinata and Kiba as well. She never showed."

"Oh…well thanks…" Kris muttered, it was obvious she had thrown to much hope into that lead.

"Kris" he said stepping in front of her as she left, shocked, she looked up into her friends face. "I don't quite know what happened to your friend, but don't give up so easily."

"Thanks Shino" Kris said as she gave him a quick hug and took off for the shop.

***

Entering the shop Kris set out for everything they would need that she didn't have at her house. The overly lit store hurt her eyes at this time of night, she silently cursed as she searched for a special brand of camping gear, and it was defiantly worth the extra cash. Finally after about 20 minutes, Kris just threw the most expensive camping equipment she could get her hands on. After throwing some clothes, food and a yaoi magazine from a stand by the check out line, Kris left more than irritated.

Carrying the supplies Kris hurried to the shop where she had recently discovered her friend had hidden weaponry, she found Jen waiting impatiently with the rest of the stuff.

"Where were you, your like ten minutes late! I got so worried I didn't get to finish my book!" Jen complained while Kris stashed everything in bags.

"Ran into Shino" she replied trying to force more equipment than the bag could handle.

"Still, what about my book!" Jen whined.

"Here" Kris threw her the magazine that ceased her crying immediately. "Mommy got you a present."

"Yay mom you're the best! Uh…what do we do next?" she asked tilting her head.

"Well, first we gotta go see our friend Hokage, then-"Kris threw Jen one of the bags, while throwing the other over her shoulder, "We find our lead"

"Oh, real smart mom" Jen said as they left the shop and headed for the Hokage's mansion. "We have no clue where MoMo is and no idea who might, where do you think we'll get a lead, fricken Santa?"

"I have an idea" Kris smirked wagging her finger. When had her children become so faithless in their mothers intelligent…oh yea…forever ago.

***

"Stupid baka kaa-san. Why do we have to carry these fucking heavy ass bags? Why didn't you just seal everything into a scroll like usual?" Jen asked dropping her bag and folding her arms behind her head.

"I uh…well why didn't you seal the shit? It would have been just as easy for you as it is for me." Kris said setting her bag down gently and pulling out a sealing scroll.

"Well I guess cause that's usually your job. I get the pointy things, Sasu-chan gets the edible things, and you seal everything. Now be a good ferret and do my bidding." Jen said as she pulled out her book yet again. Kris quickly sealed everything and the two slowly made their way to the Hokage Tower.

"You know if you keep reading those things in public people are going to start comparing you to Hatake-san." Kris said casually as she stared at Jen's book.

"Oh well Scarecrow-sensei is cool! Besides there is no way on earth I'd give up reading Ero-sannin's books! They're just so amazing!" Jen said with sparkles in her eyes.

"Hold the phone Jiraiya-sama wrote those books?" Jen nodded her head yes. "As in Jiraiya-sama of the legendary three? The super perv who hangs out by the women's bathhouse, and the fourth hokage's sensei?" Kris asked with a crazy look in her eyes.

"Yep baa-chan and Oreo cookie's old teammate." Jen chirped happily.

"So all this time his books have been yaoi books? Why am I always last to find these things out?" Kris asked sadly. Jen reached over to pat her shoulder but since she didn't look up from her book she ended up smacking her on the head. Kris glared at her but said nothing.

"Chill out not all of his books are yaoi. Just the good ones. I'll let you in on a super S-ranked secret though. Scarecrow-sensei isn't reading about a hetero couple." Jen said with a sly smirk.

"Get out! That's like mega awesome blackmail material! Why is it an S-ranked secret?" Kris wondered aloud.

"Well the people who pay the most for him are desperate rich old hags who think that Scarecrow-sensei will fall in love with them and get married, and all that shit. So of course it would be bad for us if anyone found out what team he's really bating for." Jen started to whisper as they entered the Hokage Tower. They checked in at the front desk and then walked up the stairs. They were about to enter the Hokage's office when they were stopped by two anbu.

"Stop. Hokage-sama is in a meeting right now." One with a badger mask said. As he and his partner stood in front of the door.

"Come back later. This meeting will take a while." The other anbu who was wearing a duck mask said. Jen slowly lowered her book, marked her page, and put it away. Kris seeing the beginning signs of a massacre, or at least a sever ass beating, quickly tried to reason with the two anbu.

"Duck-san, Badger-san we're supposed to be in that meeting. Yeah Tsunade-sama asked for us herself and you really don't want to keep her waiting. So yeah…" Kris said with her brightest smile.

"Why would the hokage want your presence at a counsel meeting to decide what to do with the demon brat and the recent disappearances?" the badger rhetorically asked, not believing the lie for even a second. Kris wanted to ask him more but Jen had already pulled out a giant metal bat and began to beat him over the head with it.

"Jen behave I don't think Tsunade-sama will appreciate you beating another ninja into a coma. Besides he could be useful." Kris scolded halfheartedly as Jen finished with the first anbu and moved on to the next. "You could've at least left me one." Kris pouted after Jen had finished with both.

"Oh sorry you really should've said something. I guess I got a bit carried away. But they got what they deserved for talking shit about my wittle Naru-chan. Now shall we do it together?" Jen asked in a deadly serious voice as the sky seemed to darken and everything got all scary and dark.

"Yes I think we shall." Kris said just as seriously. They nodded to each other and then turned to face the door.

"One." Kris said in a low voce.

"Two." Jen said as they both tensed up.

"THREE!!!" They shouted together as they jump kicked the door, successfully breaking it down and scaring a bunch of the people in the room.

"Just who the fuck do you think you are, and what do you think your doing!?!" Tsunade screamed as she stood up behind her desk. Kris and Jen exchanged smirks.

"I am Sailor Kris protected by the world of Halloween Town." Kris said as she struck a pose.

"I'm Sailor Jen protected by the world of The World That Never Was." Jen said as she also struck a pose.

"And we're the Konoha Icha Icha Scouts! We stand for love, justice, the protection of our village and comrades, and yaoi! In the name of yaoi we shall punish you." The both chimed as they struck several symmetrical poses. The other people in the room stood there in shock for a moment before Tsunade broke the silence.

"Good God, Gai and Lee are contagious!" Tsunade whispered as she turned deathly pale, along with the entire counsel.

"Baa-chaaaaan! Don't compare us to those armatures! We're going places mark my words! Today Konoha, tomorrow Hollywood!" Jen said with stars in her eyes. Everyone else sweat dropped.

"While we're on the subject of getting rid of things-." The elder women Koharu. Tsunade slammed her fists onto her desk, causing two dents and several cracks.

"For the last damn time we are not going to banish, or murder him, and we will not turn him into a weapon." Tsunade said with a particularly nasty glare at Danzou.

"This is hardly something we should be discussing with a couple of pups in the room." Inuzuka Tsume said with a pointed look at Jen and Kris.

"As head ANBU captain I have every right to be here, and I need her to take notes for me cause lets face it my writing is just chicken scratch that even I can't read sometimes." Jen said with a careless shrug and a smirk.

"Well she does have us there. Also under the circumstances I think it best to let them hear." Akamichi Choza said as he rubbed his belly. The others agreed, some more reluctantly then others.

"Well as I'm sure you've noticed by now a few people have gone missing including your teammate. Some of the counsel believe its because of our most loyal knuckleheaded ninja. We were just about to take a vote on what to do about this situation." Nara Shikaku said in a lazy drawl that resembled his son Shikamaru's.

"All those in favor of making him into a weapon raise your hand." Danzou said as he and the third's old teammates raised their hands. Tsunade scowled darkly.

"All those in favor of banishing him raise your hand." Hinata's dad said as he and half of the civilian counsel raised there hand. This time Jen scowled with Tsunade.

"All who just want to kill the damn demon raise your hand." Sakura's mom said as she and the other half of the civilian counsel raised their hands. Kris had to hold back Jen and Tsunade from killing them.

"All those in favor of finding out more facts before accusing an innocent boy raise your hand." Yamanka Inochi said as he and everyone who hadn't already voted.

"Well according to majority rule you need to get out there and gather some facts. Now when did the disappearances start?" Kris asked with a pen and notepad in hand.

"About two days ago." Danzou said snippily with his nose in the air.

"Then why the fuck are you blaming my wittle Naru-chan? He's been on a mission for two weeks. Mom is he even back yet?" Jen asked turning to Kris with expectant eyes.

"Nope not for three more days. So that crosses him off the suspect list." Kris said with a smirk in the elders' direction.

"Well then I guess I have no choice but to send out my best pair of anbu available to look for clues." Tsunade said looking at Jen and Kris. "All of you but Kris and Jen are dismissed." The hokage said with a dismissive wave of her hand. The counsel left the room with mixed emotions.

"So baa-chan can we go now?" Jen asked a little impatiently. Tsunade and Kris just rolled their eyes.

"Be careful and send a message back if you find anything. If you find it do not confront just send for back up understood?" Tsunade asked sternly.

"Hai Hokage-sama. You can count on us." Kris said with a bow.

"Yea we got it already baa-chan. We'll be back soon see ya!" Jen yelled with a quick three fingered salute before grabbing Kris's arm and jumping out the window to begin the mission.

**-Commercial-**

**This is not subliminal Messaging.**

**Buy Jen Yaoi!!!**

**-Back to the show-**

"Are we there yet?" Jen mumbled for the seventh billion time during their trip.

"I said it ten minutes ago and I'll say it again, no, we are not there yet" Kris said irritated, trying her best to contain the hostility that had been bubbling up inside her.

"Well I was just asking cause there's two guards there by that mountain!!! You don't have to be a little bitch and- hey are you even paying attention!?" Jen cried shaking her fist.

"Jen, we don't have time for that, there's two guards up ahead" Kris replied, walking casually along the rocky path, only just now becoming aware of the men ahead.

Jen stopped dead in her tracks, heat rising to her face, she reached in her pocket and pulled out a kunai and aimed it directly at Kris's head, just as she was about to throw it, Kris turned around. Jen quickly hid the kunai.

"Are you coming or am I gonna have to take these guys out myself?" she asked, completely unaware of the 'almost' attack.

Catching up Jen told herself to count to ten, and if she still felt mad she would just kill her then. She didn't even make it to 5 before a voice interrupted her.

"State your business" the taller guard asked.

"Uh, we want in" said Kris, annoyed they'd ask such a stupid question.

"Sorry" the other guard said. "That's not enough to permit entrance"

Kris stepped forward smiling, and patted the guards shoulder. "Let me tell you a story"

"Story?" the guards asked in union.

"Yea, it's about a stupid Badger and Duck that wouldn't let us through the last guarded entryway! They made a new friend that day! His name was Chad!" Kris said a little louder with more anger.

"And we care who this Chad is because?" the guard asked.

"Jen, you can do the rest, I'm bored" Kris said stepping away.

"Boys, meet Chad!!!" Jen said running forward and hitting the guards in the head several times with the metal baseball bat. Kris cheered Jen on from the sidelines.


	3. We Are Only Pretending To Do This

"You know I thought Iwagakure would have had people accustomed to being hit with large metal objects while guarding the entry; metal_ is_an element after all." Kris said, eating pokey. There were now in the center of the rocky village, making their way through the crowded streets.

Jen shrugged, keeping her eyes open for any Yaoi shop that might appear, "No one stands a chance against Chad" she smiled.

Kris thought for a moment then shook her head in agreement. "Ok, we'll need to check into an Inn for a while, from what I've heard this, Hajiis really hard to find. He likes to hang out at bars and clubs at night, so you need to keep in mind when we go out. We need to focus on work and not get-", Kris looked around finding herself alone. "Jen!!!" she cried.

Several people in the streets threw glares and dirty looks at Kris.

"_What_!" Kris yelled throwing her hands in the air. "I lost my kid!"

She only received more angry glares, with a touch of disgust in each one.

After searching for 20 minutes or so, Kris sighed in defeat. After mentally going through the worst possible scenarios Kris decided Jen could handle herself and started making her way to one of the more expensive Inns.

When Kris got to the room, she stared in awe. There were two mattresses on the floors with silk bedding and a fireplace on the opposite wall; it came complete with a porch that lead out to a Zen garden. Kris had never seen anything so nice...then again, Tsunade payed them minimum wage...well technically it wasn't but Jen had to forfeit half their pay to pay for all the medical bills she piled up when she went on Chad rampages.

"This is fucking awesome!" a familiar voice chirped behind her. Kris turned to find Jen, hurrying to one of the beds to lay out the weapons and decide which ones should be sharpened.

"Jen!" Kris shrieked, waving her arm in the air. "Where were you, I was worried sick, and you were no where to be found, you could have blown our cover!" she freaked.

"Relax, I only went to see if there were any yaoi shops, and I asked around about Haji, you were right, he usually hangs out at night" she said sharpening a shiny katana.

Once again, a drop of sweat went down Kris's forehead. "You don't say?"

"We should get ready for tonight, it's gonna be a pain in the ass and a lot of work finding this guy, its weird though, you would have though that if had something to do with disappearances they would have arrested him or something" Jen sad going behind the screen and changing out of her clothes into a towel.

"Eh…you know how they are about villages arresting other village's criminals." She muttered into her pillow.

"Yeah, yeah, well get ready I'll be in the bath house, don't take to long, he only lingers during certain hours."

"Sure, ok-", Jen threw a pillow at Kris to ensure she was awake.

"I mean it Kris" said her fading voice; she had already gone out the doorway, heading for the baths.

Rolling her eyes, Kris realized Jen was right. This was stupid, why the hell did MoMo get caught up in all this! "The things I do for my friends" she said changing into only a towel as well. "I mean, she's more than a friend, she's like family, I mean, eh, what do I mean?, as soon as this is over we're all moving to Suna together, Kankuro said he could get us rooms in the Kazekage's mansion. And then I'm going to see a doctor so I can get stuff to help me quit talking to myself"

Kris soon joined Jen in the steamy hot spring like baths. It felt good after traveling for so long. They had been laughing at joking, just relaxing when they heard a noise on the other side of the bamboo fence, like it was cracking, putting their towels back on quickly they stood up just in time to avoid being squashed by none other than Jiraiya.

"What the fuck is wrong with you man!!" Kris shrieked recognizing the man.

"Aren't you supposed to be studying, yaoi, not yuri! By the way can I have your autograph, I'm a huge _Icha Icha Yaoi_ fan!!" Jen said squealing.

"Jen, he was just spying on us!" Kris said pointing at Jiraiya who was now trying to come up with excuses and shaking his head, denying ever even being there.

"Well, spit it out, why were you behind that fence!?" yelled an angry Kris.

"I was doing important research nearby and I heard your voices, they sounded familiar so I thought I should check it out! Why are you guys here anyways!" he said quickly.

"We could ask you the same thing" Jen replied.

"I told you, research! And I asked first!"

Kris and Jen exchanged quick glances before nodding.

Taking a deep breath Kris started, "Our friend MoMo went missing, and we think a man named Haji knows where she is, so we cam here to find him. We were heading out to do that tonight..."

"MoMo, heh? Well, I don't know about her, but I know a guy named Haji, I can take you to him if you'd like" said Jiraiya giving a smug smile.

Jen and Kris grinned at each other, unable to believe their luck.

"On one condition though" Kris said, ceasing the excitement.

"Oh, what would that be?" Jiraiya asked.

Kris smirked and looked down before unleashing her fury upon the poor man. "_YOU GET OUT OF HERE AND LET US GET DRESSED!!!!_"

Jen laughed as Jiraiya disappeared quicker than a flash of light. They got dressed and met Jiraiya in the Inn lobby.

"Lead the way pervy sage!" Jen smiled.

The sage rolled his eyes before leading them out into night fall. He led them to a real suave looking club. There were a couple of human shaped boulders by the doors and a line about a mile long.

"Great, how the fuck are we suppose to get in the mother fucking place!" Kris yelled quietly. Jen looked at her hopefully while holding up her trusty metal bat.

"Chad?" Jen asked with a evil glance at the human boulders. Jiraiya gave her a funny look while Kris just patted her on the head.

"Not this time kiddo." Kris said with an apologetic smile. Jen pouted and Chad disappeared back to wherever she keeps him. Which Kris still hasn't discovered to this day.

"Just so you know mum there is absolutely no other way that we're gonna get in. At least not in time to meet Haji. I mean look at that line!" Jen complained as she waved her hand in the direction of the ridiculously long line.

"Hm you might have a point there…"Kris said as she eyed the hellish line. Neither of them wanted to go stand in it.

"Well girls this is where I come in. Just follow my lead and we'll be in therein no time." The toad sage said with a smirk. The girls turned to look at him.

"Is that why you made us dress up in these ridiculous outfits?" Kris asked with a skeptical eye. Kris was in a super short, low cut, red dress, with red stilettos, and a matching red purse. Jen was in the a black tube top with a matching black mini skirt and stilettos.

"_Yeah_, that's the **only** reason. Now come on ladies, I'll show you how to make an entrance." Jiraiya said as he put an arm around each girl and began to walk right towards the door. Kris freaked out a bit when he touched her but Jen caught on to his plan right away and fell into her role rather quickly.

"Get your filthy hands off me you swine!" Kris hissed at the toad lover.

"Relax Yuki. This is just like that covert mission we had in the rain village." Jen said quietly right before they got to the front door. Kris's eyes widened in realization.

"Ooh Jiraiya-sama hold me tighter, tee~hee~hee!" Kris squealed in her best attempt to mimic Sakura's voice when she talked about Sasuke. She really hated doing missions like this. Somehow she always ended up a hoe.

"Ne ne Raiya-sama your such a wonderful author. What did you say your latest book was called?" Jen asked imitating Ino instead of Sakura since she couldn't stand the pinkette at all.

"Oh you know _Icha Icha Violence_. Anything you want doll. Hey boys. You remember me right? I brought another pair of ladies tonight since I dug the place so much. Yuki, Suki introduce yourselves to Kohaku and Naraku." Jiraiya said with a sly smile.

"Hehehe Yo boys my names Suki-chan. Maybe I'll see you guys inside, ne?" Jen said in a seductive voice.

"Oh Jiraiya-sama you didn't tell us suck lookers worked here. Ohayo guys my names Yuki-chan. I hope we can get to know each other _really well_." Kris giggled. The three walked right past the guards who had begun to drool. The three walked in to find a hoping club filled with dancing and drinking people.

"Yeah this place looks like fun!" Jen said excitedly. "Raiya-sama do you wanna dance with me?" she asked with puppy eyes.

"Hahaha! Maybe later cutie. I'm gonna go have a drink. Why don't you to go warm up for me?" Jiraiya said with a leer.

"Mou fine, but mark my words, I will get that dance!" Jen swore as she pulled Kris to the dance floor and the old perv went to the bar. The two girls got onto the dance floor and started to totally outshine everyone else there. Just as they were starting to really get into it a couple of guys walked up to them. One had long raven hair in a low ponytail, pale skin, and red eyes with black dots in them. He was wearing a tight black muscle shirt with a red cloud at the top right that had a red and white fan inside it, and black skinny jeans with chains on them. The other had on a black turtleneck with the sleeves stylishly ripped off, and red clouds on it. He had on a pair of black leather pants that also had some chains on them. He had light blue skin, dark blue hair, and three gill like marks under each eye. He had on a necklace with a large sharks teeth on it.


	4. Haji the Soprano

"Hey babe the names Kisame, how would you like to dance?" The blue dude asked Kris. Jen glared death at him.

"Hey fish face! In case you didn't notice this is _**my**_ bitch, and she's dancing with me!" Jen practically growled at Kisame.

"Aww what if I let you dance with my friend here. He may not be as hot as me but no one can match these looks." Kisame bragged.

"Ok, one you look like a freaking shark! You are _so_ not attractive! Two, why would I want to dance with some stranger when I got her trained?" Jen asked as she burst Kisame's ego.

"Ne looks like your looks are starting to fail you Itachi." Kisame chuckled. Itachi glared at him, cuase Itachis do that.

"Hey Suki-chan I say we give them just one dance, please?" Kris begged. She was making lovey eyes at Kisame. Jen looked Itachi over.

"Fine but just one quick dance Yuki." Jen sighed heavily. A sweet slow song started to play and all the couples in the club started to dance.

**-Commercial-**

About 20 minutes later Kisame, Itachi and Kris were sitting at the bar, just talking, though Kisame and Kris were really the only ones enjoying themselves, since Itachi was sending death glares at Jiraiya and Jen who were making quite a scene on the dance floor.

"Jealousy is a bad color on anyone Itachi." Kris said leaning over Kisame towards Itachi, wagging her finger playfully, she might have had to much sake.

Itachi just sent her one of the famous Uchiha death glares. Kris shook her head mumbling something about his unnatural attachment to Jen that he had developed over one dance.

"Is your friend always this way?" Kris asked, leaning in yet, even closer to Kisame.

"I've never seen him this way before. I almost feel sorry for your friend." The shark man sighed.

Kris was about to ask why when Jiraiya and Jen came up smiling, their faces red from dancing, Itachi and Jen had one dance before Jiraiya made his move and stole Jen away for their promised dance, lets just say Itachi wasn't to pleased. They slid into the bar seats next to Kisame and Kris, who didn't look to pleased that they were being disrupted, their expressions matching Itachi's for only a moment.

"Wow, Suki, you're a good dancer, you always hide things from me!" Kris said sipping from the drink Kisame bough t her.

"I didn't hide it! I just never showed you" Jen cried.

"Hey, Jiraiya any sign of Haji?" Kris said quietly to the sage.

"Eh, not yet. But stay alert, he should be showing up any minute." The perv whispered back.

"Fine with me" Kris shrugged taking another drink; she honestly didn't want to finish business with Haji, not with Kisame next to her anyways. "Oh hey Jiraiya, would you go get us some more drinks?"

"But Yuki we already have-", Jen started but was kicked from under the table.

"Sure" Jiraiya said eying Jen strangely before disappearing into the crowd towards the other bar.

"Why'd you do that?" Jen said, her anger rising.

Kris nodded towards Itachi, Jen immediately understood, sitting next to Itachi and starting a very random conversation about different torture techniques.

"Heh, how kind of you." Kisame said.

"She's my friend, and Itachi seems like a good guy, even if it's only for one night, I want the best for her, I'm sorry, but if he hurts her I'll have to…" she trailed off taking on a very spiteful look, which Kisame found very attractive.

"Wait- why, does it have to be one night?" Kisame said, and despite his features he looked very genuine and maybe even sad.

"_Pokerface"_ started playing before she could answer, but eventually she answered.

"I met you at at club. Expecting anything more and this would be a horrible love story"

Kisame just nodded, understanding. In the seconds of silence that followed, Kisame and Kris took the chance to glance at Itachi and Jen who were now, sitting extremely close...Itachi whispering something in Jen's ear.

Kisame and Kris looked away as fast as their necks would allow them.

"I wonder what he could possibly be whispering in her ear" Kris muttered in disbelief.

"H-he…was smiling, no, that's not possible!" Kisame stuttered.

"Wow…" they both said in disbelief at their friends' little display of romance.

Kisame and Kris glanced at each other, perverted thoughts pulsing through their brains, before either of them could react Jiraiya showed up, a serious look on his face.

"Yuki, Suki, follow me" he said.

Jen, who had been lost in her own little Itachi world, immediately got up, pried Kisame's arm from around Kris's waist and followed Jiraiya down a dark hallway, Kris in tow, who was still looking back at the blue skinned man.

When they had gotten deep enough into the dark corridors, to where even the blasting music couldn't be heard, they stopped in front of a black door with a huge man in front bearing many tattoos.

**-Commercials-**

**Buy Cheetos Today! **

**Also buy Jen some smexy yaoi**

**-Back to the show-**

Jiraiya returned his arms around the girl's waist and smiled at the bouncer. The man glared down at Jiraiya for moment before moving aside and letting the three in. It was an Italian styled office with one wall as an aquarium. The three sat down on the leather couch and waited in silence.

"Suki, did you just move your arm?" Kris asked nervously.

"No, why?" she asked tilting her head cutely.

But Kris didn't answer she just slapped Jiraiya across they face.

"Hey! What was that for?" the toad sage whined.

"You know what you did!" she said with malice dripping off her tone, ashamed that she had demostrated a horrible _"The Hills" _spoof.

"What did he-." Jen started

Jen couldn't finished her question before a man came and sat down in front of them in his own huge leather chair, since the room was dim, they could barely make out any facial features, only that he was skinny and wore all black and one hand was bandaged.

Stroking a fluffy white cat, he said, "You come to me in your time of need, on the day of-"

"Of what?" Jen asked, slightly annoyed he was trying to be all Italian mob boss.

"Err, nothing! What can I do for you Jiraiya?" He said rubbing the back of his neck nervously.

"These little ladies have a question to ask you Haji" he said nodding to each of them.

"Well, what is it?" Haji said, taking on a whole new appearance, no longer trying to be all soprano.

Kris pulled a picture from her bra and handed it to Haji, "Our friend went missing, MoMo, we were told that you know everything that happens, I was hoping you could give us a lead, if not anything else." Kris said with a serious face.

Haji studied the picture or a moment before sighing and handing the picture back. "I've seen her alright, but I no longer know where's she's at. I can tell you who might though." Haji said when the girls looked discouraged.

"Who?!" Jen and Kris both cried, anticipation for answers consuming them both.

"Danzou" Haji muttered.

Kris and Jen shot up, almost knocking Jiraiya off the couch, "What!" they shrieked.

"Your friend, this MoMo, has been accused of selling secrets to Suna; Danzou gave the counsel the idea of either killing her or shipping her off."

"But Tsunade-baa-chan would never agree to that, she knows MoMo isn't like that…" Jen reasoned, crossing her arms.

"But Suki, MoMo did give away secrets…to me." Kris said guiltily.

"What!?" Jen shouted, shocked.

"I'm originally from Kiri, so Danzou must have reasoned that it's still technically betrayal, after all MoMo told me all kinds of thigns about Konoha"

"Really?Like what?"

"That everyone in Konoha-", Jiraiya kicked Kris.

"Ow! Stupid Perv!"

"Anyways, Obaa-chan still wouldn't allow that to happen, she knows you're not like that either!" Jen said growing even more pissed at the complete retarded-ness of the situation.

"I know, I know, that's why I think, something else was going on. Something Danzou was hiding so he covered it up with that whole scam. Just like he always does" Kris said tapping her cheek with her finger.

"Suki." Kris said, then leaned over and whispered in her ear for a few minutes.

Jen and Kris stared at each other for a moment, before taking off down the all, back towards the club.

Jiraiya and Haji just sat as awkward silence filled the room, almost too much…

"Cute girls" said Haji, trying to break the silence, petting his cat.

"I know right, I found them at this expensive Inn, in the bathhouse" he smiled, leaning back all macho like.

"Why were you near the women's bath house?" Haji said raising an eyebrow.

Jiraiya started laughing and rubbing the back of his neck like he always did when he got caught doing something perverted. "Well, you see…"

**-Commercial-**

"Are you sure Kris?" Jen said as they made their way through the hallways.

"Yeah, it's no coincidence that Akatsuki was here, they were trying to distract us, or at least figure how much we knew, and the likes." Kris said as she wildly waved her hand.

"Well, it may have worked on you." Jen said stubbornly.

"_Suurreee_" Kris said rolling her eyes, recalling seeing Jen looking VERY comfortable next to Itachi.

"So what now?" Jen asked processing the entire situation.

"We go find Kisame and Itachi and see if they know where she is, they know SOMETHING, they have to. Then, after we get MoMo back, we go kick Danzou's ass." Kris smirked.

"But what was Danzou hiding that was so important that he had to get rid of MoMo, and how did she have anything to do with it?" Jen said, getting a headache and an extreme craving for Gravi.

"I don't know." Kris asked, regaining her composure, re-entering the club and scanning the place for the two men. "All I know, is no one, I repeat no one, tries picking off my friends, and lives to tell about it"

Jen was even scared at how serious her friend was. Kris didn't fuck around when it came to her family and friends or their yaoi. They didn't need to look far for the two Akatsuki members. They had just gotten onto the dance floor when the two were swept into the missing nins' arms.

"We were wondering if we would get to see you two again before the night ended and the carriage turned back into a pumpkin." Kisame said with a wink towards Kris while the other two stared at him like he was a crazed, raving, murdering lunatic. Which he was.


	5. The New Favorite Bitch

"Oh we just couldn't keep away from you Kisakisa." Kris said with half lidded eyes. The two kept leaning closer, and closer till there lips almost met, but right at the last minute Kisame found himself kissing some guy who had been close by and Kris was kissing a biscuit.

"Here love you looked hungry." Jen said with a grin at Kris and a glare at the fish man. "I told you he was gay." The man that Kisame had kissed was looking at said shark guy in fear as a huge sword was stuck in front of his face. (J/N: hehehe if you think about it that's really dirty.) Just as Kisame was about to chop off the poor man's head he was hit in the head by a giant, plush L.

"Now, now Kisa-kun all mighty L-sama frowns down upon those who hurt weaker beings. And as we know none who oppose the words of L-sama live." Kris ranted. A huge picture of some weird dude eating a yummy looking cake popped up behind her. She somehow was changed into the guys outfit, and her hair was styled into the same strange style that the guys was. Jen looked at her with bored eyes before returning to her graphic novel, a.k.a yaoi porn.

After Kris changed back to her normal…er…sluttish outfit, she pulled Jen aside, a little ticked. "I was about to get action and you shove a biscuit in my face!!!!" Kris said waving her arms around like a crazy person, which Jen was beginning to believe everyone was these days.

"You looked hungry is all…" Jen said, completely oblivious to the fact Kris was about to kill someone.

Sighing in an attempt to relive herself of the anger building up inside her she explained her plan, "Ok jen, you take the Uchiha I got KisaKisa, kay? All we have to do is find out who sent them and why"

"Whatever mom, just don't think I'm gonna let you have any more fun" Jen said crossing her arms.

Quickly Kris dragged Kisame into one of the side rooms, while Jen did the same with Itachi in the opposite direction.

"Ok, Kisakisa, why did you really come here tonight?" Kris said tapping her foot with crossed arms after locking the door.

"Uh…well, you see, uh..." Kisame said looking for an escape route.

Kris just grabbed his ear and pulled him down to her extremely short height. "Tell me now"

"Ow- what is wrong with you lady! Even I'm not this violent! And I'm a six foot tall killing machine who likes nothing more than hurting others!"

"I have kids. I have to defend myself somehow, now, why did you come here with your friend trying to act all bad ass?"

"Shit, you have kids!?!" the shark-man yelled. Kris growled at him.

"Ok, ok, ok! Itachi-san wanted to get laid so we came here to pick up some chicks!" he whined.

"Ha, nice try! I happen to know Jen kills all his fangirls!" she smirked yanking on his ear harder.

"Ok, ok! We came here to stop you two from finding Haji! Our leader said that if we just got you two drunk or something that we would get new uniform we haven't had new clothes in years! Do you know cotton tears easily, look!" he cried, pointing to a tear in his cloak.

Kris let go of his ear, erupting in an outrageous fit of laughter.

"What!" Kisame said rubbing his ear.

"You thought you could get Jen drunk? She can down more than I can!" Kris said laughing harder. "Anyways, lets go get Jen and Itachi, you guys are coming with us."

"Sorry, I can't let that happen, leader wants to ask you and your friends some questions and possibly lecture you about war and pain."

"What could your leader possibly ask us!?"

"Er..lots of things. Or he might just enslave you two, I don't know"

"Uh, enslave us to do what?" Kris asked walking with Kisame towards the room Jen took Itachi into.

"Cooking, cleaning, uh, stuff we can't or are to lazy to accomplish"

"Yeah, mhm. I don't believe you."

They stopped in front of the door.

"Well actually, they want your friend "Suki" to abandon her post as ANBU and join us. We have no more torture ideas, so we thought she could help ya know?"

"Jen!!!" Kris said now banging on the door trying to escape the lunatic that is Kisame.

Jen opened the door, revealing a tied up Itachi.

"Jen I told you to get information out of him!"

"I was" she smiled dreamily.

"I don't wanna know."

**-Commercial-**

**Meet local singles today! Call- xxx-xxx- **

**Buy me some damn yaoi bitches-Jen**

**-Back to the show-**

Fifteen minutes later, Itachi, Kisame, Kris and Jen were walking outside the club, down a suspicious looking alleyway.

"Mom, why are we going this way, you know people get raped in places like this!"

"You were leading us!" shrieked Kris.

"No...I wasn't"

At the same time, Kris and Jen turned to Itachi and Kisame, but it was too late, they had released sleeping gas!** DUM DUM DUM**.

***

Jen woke up on some bed with a drooling Kris on her stomach on the floor. She sat up and noticed they were in small room with cult signs all over the wall.

Just then Itachi walked in.

"Hey, where did you take us!!!" Jen said pointing at the raven-haired man in anger.

"Akatsuki hide out, you happen to be in my room, so make your friend stop drooling on the floor"

"Never! Your cult will never rule the world, now let us go so we can find little brother!"

"This is an organization, and I know where your little brother er…sister?...MoMo is."

"You do!? Where?!"

"With Orochimaru, that is where all the little brothers go, for some odd reason."

"Then convince your cult to let us go there!"

"Organization!"

"Cult!"

"I don't want to fight you, but if I have to, I will throw your friend in Kisame's room"

"Tch. You wouldn't do that!"

"Oh, why not?"

"She'd like it and I keep your fan girls away! So if I were you I'd go get me some cookies and chocolate milk and mini pizzas before I go DDR on your ass!"

Itachi quickly left the room, intentions unknown.

"That's right bitch you better hurry and go get my shit!" Jen yelled at the door. Kris choose that time to wake up.

"Maa, maa Jen-sama I don't wanna get up! Make Momo get your shit that is why I had two kids. I wanna sleep!" Kris whined as she rolled around on the floor like a dog with worms.

"Don't worry spaz I got myself a new toy for the moment. Who knows this one may_ replace_ you as my **favorite**…" Jen said with a far off look in her eyes. Kris sat there shocked for a second and then got all mad.


	6. Uchihacest and Spoilers

"_Oh hell no!_ I'm the favorite bitch here! You promised! When Momo got promoted I would always be the favorite bitch! Wah!!!! I'm hungry. Have any food!" asked little miss bipolar. Jen just rolled her eyes and looked for her porn books.

"Wha-what the hell! Where are they! Itachi!!! You better run bitch! But first you better give me back me _Uchihacest_ books!" Jen screamed as she rushed out the door, which was left opened. Kris was all for following her, but she only got ways down the hall before she was pulled into another room and the door slammed behind her. She was then pushed up against the door!

"Two second warning…" a voice whispered in her ear. Kris stiffened. This wasn't the first time this happened, although usually it was Jen who jumped her.

"Aaaah! FIRE!!!" Kris screamed, cause lets face it no one ever comes to help or rape.

"_Not true_ my dear you can't rape the willing." The voice whispered.

**-Commercial-**

**On sale- Uchihacest books! 50% off at Books stores near you!**

**Also Keep an eye out for Jiraiya's new book **_**"Icha Icha Loveless Edition"**_

**For the love of God buy me those fucking books!!!- Jen**

**-Back to the show-**

Jen spotted Itachi on his way back to his room with all the food she had ordered. She jumped down from her spot on the ceiling and pinned him to the floor with a kunai at his neck.

"I'll only ask you this _once_ pretty boy, **WHERE IS MY ICHA ICHA!!!**" Jen screamed with murder in her eyes. Mess with Kris or Momo and she'll kick your ass, mess with her porn and you better pray to Kami-sama that she likes you enough not to kill you. For the first time in years Uchiha Itachi, murderer of his clan, wanted S-ranked criminal, member of the Akatsuki, feared for his life. He dropped the books on the ground and ran. Jen was about to chase him down and rearrange his pretty face when she heard a shout.

"Aaaah! FIRE!!!"

Jen cursed under her breath and ran to the room it came from. She kicked the door in and heard several groans of pain.

"Huh? Mum were you and Fishsticks about to do _the dirty_." Jen asked with a leer.

"Ow, Thank Kami-sama you came! I thought I was gonna be raped! Fishsticks?" Kris asked as she looked at her would be rapist. She took on a look of great sorrow. "Wah!!! Having kids was the biggest mistake of my life! Why'd you have to barge in like that!?! I was about to get lucky!" Kris whined. Jen just rolled her eyes and pulled out one of her recently recovered books.

"Whatever be quiet. I was just at the part where Sasuke forgives Itachi for raping him and they have hot steamy make up sex and become a couple." Jen said as her eyes became attached to the book.

"Itachi-san does _what_ with_ who_!?!" Kisame asked with wide eyes. Kris sweat dropped and Jen began to giggle like a pervert.

**-Commercial-**

**Reporter A: News Alert- The bank of America has just been robbed by men reported wearing black cloaks with red clouds, believed to be armed and dangerous, if you see them call the local authorities immediately.**

**Reporter B: Also, a teenage girl has been admitted to the hospital due to lack of yaoi, _Uchihacest_ and porn. **

**Reporter A, on another channel that gets way better ratings, interviewing Jen: Hello friends I'm coming to you live from the hospital! I'm sure by now you've heard of my hospitalization. It's not to serious but Tsunade prescribed a lot of yaoi and I'll be fine. Donations are demanded so get your fat ass to the post office fatty! Also Hidan, Kakuzu I heard about you doing the heist. I want my cut bitches! I told you fuckwads to wait till I got there, but did you listen to me? NOOOO!! Good job getting caught you- **

**-Commercial cut off error, Back to the show-**

Deep under his bed with his gigantic, white teddy bear, that was almost as big as he was; Itachi sat with big scared eyes. Suddenly he got a bad feeling and a shiver raced up his spine. He whimpered and snuggled his teddy closer. He could run for the reminder of his long Uchiha life, but he could never hide from Jen. There were two reasons why: he always had a trail of fan girls and he smelled of Jen's _Uchiha Icha Icha_.

After Jen and Kisame had read the Uchiha book 20 times over they sat down at the kitchen table with Kris, and Itachi who had been dragged out screaming the entire 10 feet to the table.

"Ok, ok, so this snake pedo guy has MoMo, but I don't think Danzo would work with him." Kris said tapping her cheek with one finger, confuzzled.

"Yes, he would, they had a business together when they were young" Jen said.

"Really eh? What'd they do?" Kisame inquired.

Jen got one of those perverted smiles that no small boy wants to see.

"Never mind that! All we know is something fishy is going on between them and MoMo is caught in the middle." Kris said. Patting Kisame's arm apologizing about the pun.

"Alright Itachi, where's little brother?" Jen asked, giving him one of her best glares.

"I don't know. But if you help me save my little brother. We'll help you save yours"

"How are we supposed to do that when we don't even know where they are?" Kris shrieked.

"Well there is one person who meets up with Orochimaru, though he thinks no one knows." Itachi mumbled.

"Who?" they asked in union.

"His name is Sasori" Kisame said smirking, having beaten Itachi to the punch.

"Isn't that one of the dudes that went all rouge from MoMo's village" Jen asked.

"Yea, he supposed to be some badass, though he dies right after the time lapse, doesn't even get much air time, even worse, a hoe and his grandma kill him" Kris shrugged, both girls ignoring the confused looks on the 'dangerous' men's faces.

"What a way to go" Jen smiled.

"Where can we find this Sasori?" Kris asked.

Itachi turned towards Kris. "He lives in the basement, he likes to stay down their while Deidara goes and plays with his fireworks."

"I'll do it" Kris said sanding up.

"Mom, if you die-"

"No Jen, you cannot use my life insurance money for yaoi!" Kris said, heading down the stairs that led to the basement.

"Well shit." Jen said with a pout.


	7. Disney Pictures Presents: Yaoi

When Kris reached the bottom of the stairs. She found herself face to face with a wooden door. She quickly knocked before she could back out of it. The door was opened with creak by a short …er...man, with red hair and grey eyes. At first Kris thought he was a chick, but when he spoke there was no doubt that it was a guy.

"Who might you be?" he asked quietly.

"Uh…your …cult-"

"Organization" he corrected.

"Yea…your "friends" said to go to you, for something I need so huh, can we talk?"

"Make it quick" he said gesturing inside.

Kris stepped inside, noticing how creepy and cold it was down in the basement. She heard Sasori shut and lock the door.

"What do you need?"

"I need to know where to find Orochimaru."

After a moment he spoke. "Alright, I'll tell you, on one condition."

"What's that?" Kris asked suspiciously.

"Let me experiment on you and make you a puppet!" he said with a serious face.

"What the fuck you crazy psycho!"

He just started laughing like a maniac.

**-Commercial-**

"So who's your little brother again?" Jen asked with a smile as she read her book and took a sip of her chocolate milk. Itachi and Kisame sweat dropped.

"How can you not know who his brother is? Aren't you like Itachi-san's biggest fan? Shouldn't you know all about him?" Kisame asked as he stopped moving to stare at the yaoi fanatic. Jen looked over her book to shoot a glare at the ex mist nin.

"Fish sticks." Jen said in an icy tone. Kisame began to shake in fear and Itachi began to pray he never faced her wrath before returning to preparing the crazy, yet totally intriguing girl's breakfast.

"H-hai Jen-sama?" Kisame asked as fear rolled off him in waves.

"Did I say that you could stop fanning me?" Jen asked sounding scarier than Gaara when someone eats his last cookie. Which no one has been brave enough to do since the last person who did almost died, it was Kris, and if Jen, Naruto, and Neji hadn't have been there she would surly have died. Kisame paled when he realized that he had indeed stoped!

"G-gomen J-J-Jen-sama!!!! It won't h-happen a-again!!!" the blue dude shouted as he began to fan her frantically and try not to cry. Itachi snickered over the ego waffles he was preparing.

"Oh weasel! What the_ fuck_ is taking the food so long! I said egos so that I'd get some fucking food damn quick! If I had know you were gonna take all day making some gourmet shit I would've had you fry up sushi here, and ordered a pizza for the wait." Jen shouted as her eyes went back to the book.

"I-it's almost done danna." Itachi quickly said as he prepared the waffles quicker, only taking a second to pause and think that he had been hanging out with Deidara to much.

"Hn." Jen said sounding scarily similar to an Uchiha. Both men shivered in fear as they thought of what she would do with them if she had the sharringan.

"Damn, as if we need another fucking Uchiha, let alone a blonde female one." Kisame mumbled under his breath.

"You do know that I'm right here don't you Nemo? I'm so glad that you've finally realized your place Itachi. Now if only Dori could follow your example. So who's your brother?" Jen asked as she happily read, ***coughlookedatthehotpicturescough***, her book.

"His name is Sasuke. Here are your waffles." Itachi said as he set the fancy looking egos down in front of her. He was about to walk away when he felt a hand on his arm. He turned to look at Jen and she was staring at the ground with a cute little blush dusted lightly across her cheeks.

"A-arigato, Itachi-kun." Jen said as she looked up, looking like a cute embarrassed school girl. Itachi's eyes got really big and before anyone could blink he had Jen in a hug and was squealing like a fan girl.

"So kawaii!!! Why couldn't my foolish little otouto have stayed this cute!?!" Itachi asked as he huggled her tighter.

"Oh 'tachi do you have pictures? I wanna see!!!" Jen cheerfully said as she hugged the raven back.

"Yeah! Here look, look!" Itachi said excitedly as he pulled out a scrapbook filled with pictures of Sasuke. Jen looked at the book at squealed at the cuteness.

"Kyaaaa!!!! He's so cute!!! But don't you have any more resent pictures?" Jen cooed as she looked at the chibi raven.

"Oh yeah here I took this of him the other week while he was asleep! He's not so cute anymore though." Itachi said as he pulled out a picture and handed it to the girl. She took it from him with sparkling eyes that dimmed as she looked at it.

"Hey 'tachi. Your otouto kinda looks like Uchiha Sasuke. **You know that little prick that left the village and hurt my wittle foxy woxy Naru-chan**." Jen said with a frown as Kisame and Itachi introduced their faces to the floor.

"Well, ehehehe, that's because he_ is_ that Sasuke." Itachi said as he shakily got up and rubbed the back of his head nervously.

"_Oh hell no!_ That little bitch baked his cucumbers now he can sleep in them. I already promised myself that the next time I see that little bitch I'm gonna shove Chad up his ass!" Jen said as she even put her porn down to strike some of Lee and Gai's poses.

"Well at least when we see your little brother again it will be interesting." Kisame whispered to Itachi as Jen continued to rant about what an ass Sasuke was. All the Uchiha could do was nod as he kept his eyes trained on the girl.

"Well I'm done yelling for the moment so while I eat you guys make yourselves useful and entertain me by singing the waffle song and dancing." Jen said as she took a bite of the syrupy waffles, and pointing a video camera at the two... The two sighed before beginning the show.

**-Commercial-**

"_No, no, no!_ Its step, step, twirl, step! Not Step, step, step, twirl! Take it from the top and don't fuck it up this time!" Sasori, who was sitting in a little director's chair with the hat and little cone that you yell into to be louder, shouted at Kris, who was dressed up like a certain string less, Disney puppet.

"B-but Sasori-sama I'm tired, and I just want to get the info and go have some cookies!" Kris desperately wailed before crying into her hands. Sasori started to laugh. The only blonde Akatsuki member walked up behind the human puppet, wrapped his arms around his neck, and nuzzled his cheek.

"Sasori-danna do you even have the info she needs, un?" Deidara asked as he watched the weeping Kris fall to the ground and curl into a ball. Sasori gave another quiet chuckle before turning his attention to the blonde.

"Not really, but this chick's desperate and I needed a laugh so I figured this way I'd be killing two birds with one stone. Damn you're hot!" Sasori whispered softly as he stared at the bomb expert. A small blush spread across Deidara's face.

"Danna! Stop it, we have company." The blonde mumbled as he avoided the redhead's eyes. Sasori gave a possessive growl and gently but firmly grabbed Deidara's chin and made him look into his eyes.

"She'll be busy for awhile, besides I want the world to know who you belong to!" Sasori growled as he pulled his blonde into a passionate kiss. Kris being the…special…person she is chose that moment to recover from her depression.

"Oi, oi Sasori stop trying to fuck Deidei's mouth with your tongue!" Kris shouted as she rudely jumped on Sasori, successfully breaking the two apart. Deidara blushed even harder and ran from the room.

"Dei-chan wait! Damn it I've had a hard on for hours and I was just about to get rid of it. Thanks a lot girly! Wait for me my beautiful dove!" Sasori shouted as he chased after the dynamite blonde. Kris stared after them quietly for a moment.

"Was it something I said?" she asked stupidly, with an adorable confused face.

"Thanks a lot you dumb bitch! It was just getting good! I could have sold copies of that tape to pay for that new atomic explosive tag set me and otouto have been eyeing! Plus I would have had a new movie to keep me busy for a few weeks. You better hope to Inari-sama that one of the cameras I planted around this place catches whatever they're about to do." Jen shouted as she came out of nowhere with a video camera.

"Gomen Jen-sama. I guess I wasn't thinking." Kris said with downcast eyes.

"I'll forgive you this once, but don't let it happen again. Now kaa-san tell me a story!" Jen lectured, and then let out her inner chibi.


End file.
